Saturday, November 6, 2010

Telling the 'Rents: Preparing Myself

Text from messages Monday afternoon-

Me: Hey mom what are you guys doing tonight?
Mom: Not much.
Me: When will dad be home I wanted to talk to you about something.
Mom: Six.
Me: Cool. I'll come by around then.
Mom: Wanna come for dinner?
Me: Sure.

It was so simple. I had set up my coming out. There was no turning back. I had been thinking about talking to my parents for the last month. I've been having many conversations with friends and family about homosexuality or my dating life recently. In all these conversations I just wanted to be completely honest with them, but restrained myself. I had been feeling that before I tell anyone else I'm gay I need to tell the two most important people in my life. So I made a goal on Sunday Oct. 31 to tell them before the week was up, and here I was Monday Nov. 1 getting ready to tell them.

I didn't have a note for them to read. I didn't prepare a speech. I didn't have anyone in particular for them to meet. I didn't have any of those things. I didn't even have a solid plan for how I'd tell them. What I had was a desire to share this part of me with my father and mother. There were some points I wanted to make sure I told them but nothing solid. Oh and I also had been preparing my mind for the best and worst case scenarios. Those had been running through my mind for quite some time. I knew they were a little far fetched but couldn't stop imagining them.

Best case: My parents had been expecting this. Had looked into what the church thought about all this. They'd prepared themselves in advance and now were ready to love and accept everything that I told them with understanding. They understood and could see why I might be struggling with the church and were going to support me in whatever happened.

Worst case: They have no idea how to take this. Instead of thinking about it rationally their emotions take over. My dad cannot accept this and begins to scream and demand that I leave his house immediately. My mom is so overwhelmed that she sobs constantly and does nothing to help me pacify my father.  Because of that night I do not go home for the holidays, even though I live 30 min. away. I live estranged for at least a while from my family.

Alright, so just fyi neither of these situations seemed whole probable and both are far more than extreme for how my parents reacted.

So, with all that in mind I went home to dinner with my mom and dad.

I apologize, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed in writing this. So it seems i'll have to make this a two part post.

I'll explain more later, but for now I should let you know that things went okay. My parents still love me and are coming to terms with this all. Oh and there was a lot of awkward silence that night. I'll write more tomorrow.

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