Thursday, July 15, 2010

So Much Stuff...

too little time.

Okay, so a ton of things have happened lately that I felt I should blog about, but I didn't. Sorry. I am such a slacker right now. Anyway, these should all be different blog posts but I'm doing them all at once. Oh, I've given them titles just for the fun of it.

Wedded Bliss
My brother Marcus got married to Sarah on Saturday. (Marcus totally married up 'cause Sarah is AMAZING!) So I was able to attend their temple ceremony and everything else. This was my first wedding I've been to in the temple. It was really nice and I was amazed at the simplicity of it all. Of course, as the sealer was explaining to Marcus and Sarah the importance of their matrimony I couldn't help but think if I will ever be able to experience marriage. If so, it won't be in the temple, and it would be with a guy. Enough of the pity party, the wedding was awesome and I am so happy for them.

Cornered by the Bishop
Now I almost didn't get to the temple ceremony because I had to renew my temple recommend two weeks ago. So, I set up the interview as usual and go into to meet with my bishop on a Thursday during my 15 minute alloted time. He sits me down and explains that my roommate Art had told him that I had been going through some troubles. So I try to tiptoe around the subject and explain that I'm trying to understand and work through some doctrinal issues. My bishop then asks for specifics. He's not letting me settle with generalities. By this time I feel cornered, and on edge and decide that there is no other way of avoiding it so I tell him that I'm gay. I hadn't planned on it and didn't want to tell him but I was very straight with him (pun intended) and laid it all out there.

First off, he didn't seemed shocked, but he did seem like this was his first run in as a bishop with this. He began asking about the law of chastity and pornography and I answered as directly as I could. It was so excruciatingly painful. He then asked if I wouldn't mind meeting with him again before having a temple interview so that he could process this. In my mind I was screaming "Hell no!" but I said it was okay. He set it up for me to meet again that Sunday after church. That mean't I had from Thursday and Sunday to go over all the possible scenarios that could be played out. Basically it was the weekend from Hell.

Outed by a Friend
Okay so this title basically sums it up...sorta. The Sunday that my fate would be decided by my bishop I was texting my friend Art about the situation during Sunday School. The Wednesday before Art had left for seven weeks to Virginia to work for EFY. I was explaining how I was cornered into telling the bishop I was gay. The next text I got from him was an apology. Art had told the bishop my situation earlier in an interview he had. He had told the bishop to get advice for himself and his life and how to deal with my being gay. So the bishop already knew and just wanted me to admit it to him. That's why the bishop didn't seem surprised when I told him! I initially couldn't fully process what had happened and just felt betrayed. But I've moved on from it. I told Art that next time he should say "a friend" instead of outing someone to their priesthood authority.

Before I move on I want to make it clear that Art is really an amazing friend, he just wasn't thinking when he did what he did, and he has apologized many time for it and I forgive him. Accidents and stupid mistakes happen and we move on.

Decision Time
With only an hour between finding out that Art outed me to the bishop and my interview I was a nervous wreck. I left Sunday School early to go process and glazed through Elders Quorum and then it was time to meet bishop. Well, needless to say it was all okay. My panic had been in vain and the bishop had researched and said that as long as I was temple worthy my sexual orientation didn't matter. He actually kept commending me for the integrity of my spirit. I don't know how to take a compliment like that. Anyway we went through the interview, I got my recommend, and left. Thank goodness I only have to go through that kind of hell every two years.

Oh, and during that interview I asked to be released from my calling as Elders Quorum instructor (I couldn't stand up there and teach something that I personally am wrestling with. I felt hypocritical) and told him that I would be leaving the ward in a week. We didn't technically live in the ward boundaries, it's a complicated story. So I'm gonna go to the ward that I'm suppose to. My sister Louise attends that ward and I've come out to her so it'll be nice to have someone who understands things.

p.s. the Stake interview went much smoother.

Working Through It
The next two weeks were spent working through my feelings of being outed by Art and hanging out with my family as they all came in for Marcus' wedding. I even ran the Provo Freedom Festival 5k on the 5th with my family. I waited on writing about some things till I had worked through them myself. Anyway, it's been a crazy chaotic nerve wracking, and fun two weeks.

So that's what's been going on in my life.


  1. I really enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for sharing them.

  2. Wow, your bishop "talk" and mine were vastly different...I had already told my parents, and my bishop that I was agnostic, and completely disillusioned with the Church. And so, when my parents told me what was in store, I got a CRAP-LOAD of research, and scriptural evidence that there was nothing wrong with me, or even really abnormal about me...and pared every single attack he made, and he made quite a few...with a more intelligent, and scientifically based rebuttal, and after asking him not to use SSA, or SGA, at least a dozen times told him that he, and his religion were wrong and left the building :D. Needless to say, I am "Impertinent youth" incarnate... Apparently he is willing to "forgive me" if I will just meet with him again. Lol, the audacity of that silly man...
    I hope things start to make sense soon, I found that without the Church, everything fell into place for me, and I have never been happier. I cannot say that it will work the same for you though, you have allot keeping you there, whereas I had been burning religious bridges for years.
    Have an awesome night!

  3. Bror- Thanks a lot. I enjoy reading your blog as well.

    BHG- Yeah I can see how our experiences with bishops can differ. I can see how your bishop totally overreacted to the situation. Thanks for sharing your experience and support.