Thursday, July 1, 2010

Sympathizing With a Serial Killer

So about two years ago I began watching the TV series Dexter on Netflix. I had heard or read a review of it somewhere and I thought I'd see what all the fuss was about. For those of you who don't know what this show is about here is Netflix summary of the show:

Playing a sympathetic serial killer might sound like a stretch, but former "Six Feet Under" star Michael C. Hall pulls it off in this macabre drama about a likable forensics expert who channels his violent tendencies into knocking off miscreants. Dexter Morgan (Hall) seems so harmless, in fact, that neither his girlfriend (Julie Benz) nor his cop sister (Jennifer Carpenter) suspect the true nature of his extracurricular activities.

Basically he is a serial killer of other serial killers.

Okay, so I knew that the show was a bit "adult" and all and since it's on Showtime you deal with more swearing, sex, and violence. I was sorta okay with that. But, I eventually had to stop watching the show after about six episodes. I was too creeped out. It wasn't the gore, or language that got to me. No, instead I found myself relating to and sympathizing with this serial killer. I felt that I was experiencing the same emotions (more like the lack thereof) to a smaller scale in my life and I didn't like it. It scared me to realize that maybe something was wrong with me.

Since then I've occasionally tried to think about what exactly was going on with me and how I sympathized with this psychopath. Then a couple days ago it hit me, I finally got it. I realized that it wasn't his psychopathic tendencies that I could see in myself, but rather it was his ability to go through the motions of living a life that was completely fake, and not letting anyone else realize who he really is. For instance, in the show Dexter has a girlfriend who he has no sexual attraction to. In fact Dexter doesn't have any sexual attraction at all. He is going through the motions of liking her and dating her, when in reality he cannot genuinely reciprocate her feelings. 

Now that I am honest with myself about who I am I can look back on my life and see the instances where I was simply going through the motions of being a heterosexual when in reality I didn't have those feeling and emotions. I think about the girlfriend I had right after my mission, and all the dates I went on so that I'd have something to report to my parents.

Well, for the most part that is over. I can't do it anymore and I'm happier for it. So, maybe I'll give Dexter another chance...

1 comment:

  1. I can really relate to what you are saying. Lots of us went through or continue to go through the motions of being heterosexual. I was never attracted to any of the boys I dated. I was certainly attracted to the idea of having kids and an eternal family, but was never attracted to the guy... At some point I really felt like that was not fair for the poor guy.