Priesthood

Written while "taking notes" during the priesthood conference.

So, I'm here at priesthood conference with my two brothers, father, uncles, and grandfather in the Marriott Center. I'm here...but I'm not here. I mainly came because it is tradition in my family for all of the men in my family to gather together and watch this session together. That, and my grandpa takes us all out for dinner every time afterwards. I didn't watch a bit of Saturdays and I really don't plan on watching much tomorrow.

It feels weird. Even before and especially after my mission I use to look forward to conference. I wanted to know what amazing things were going to happen. Now I'm just going through the motions to appease my family. I don't feel like conference is bad, or a waste. I just feel off about the whole church thing in general.

One thing that helps while sitting here for conference to start is to check out all the men gathered around me. While looking around I noticed four men my age walk in. They were dressing in polo shirts and slacks compared to the white shirts and ties everywhere else. This first drew my attention. Two especially were very tan and muscular and my immediate thought was "They're cute." followed closely by "Those two are clearly gay." As they sat down I noticed one man began to rub the others back. It was obviously a sign off affection and very personal; like all those straight couples during sacrament meeting. Not showy at all. They began to hold hands.

I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed. My brother leaned over to me and pointed them out. He didn't notice I had already seen them. "Do you think they're making a statement?" he asked. My brother has a tendency to say things without thinking. I told him that I thought that they just wanted to come to conference. It was clear to me that that was all it was.

Seeing them their together made me feel more comfortable during priesthood conference. It helped me understand that even though I don't do everything I should, and perhaps go through the motions on some things, I should and can do those things that I see as important. No matter what. I am free to make my own choices. Right now I'm choosing to get back to playing games on my phone for the next two hours. Enjoy your conference.